Fairy Tail
by A Book Full of Roses
Summary: Happy moments, sad moments... We cant share all of them. But whenever possible we will shoulder it together. That's the true meaning of a guild. An individuals happiness is everyone's happiness. An individuals wrath is everyone's wrath. And an individuals tears are everyone's tears
1. Fairy Tail : Chapter 1

_Dear Mom,_

 _Its been a little over a month now since that day...the defeat of Zeref. So I've been told. Time seems to have slipped by without my notice. I don't have much memory of the past month, nothing but nightmares. I seemed to have forgotten what the outside felt like, how the sun warmed my body or how the fresh air smelled mixed with the scent of fresh morning bread from the bakery. I haven't even seen the stars or moon as of late. I kept the curtains closed. I don't know why, but I could never bring myself to open them._

 _My guild-mates are worried, same with my spirits...and a big part of me is too…_

 _I haven't admitted it, maybe cause lying is easier to do then facing the truth. But, even when you're not here, I still can't make myself lie to you. Something is wrong with me mom, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to fix my broken self. I really wish you were here, to help heal me._

 _I can't close my eyes._

 _No._

 _I can, I'm afraid to close them. Because when I do I see him. I see Natsu, lying there in a pool of blood, his and Zeref's. I can see his chest slowly rising and falling. I feel his life slip away. I could feel the last beat of his demon heart. I could hear myself screaming; begging for him to come back to me, to us. I can no longer see past the tears, my throat throbs in scratching pain. And even when I know I can re-write his book, save his life, bring him back. I cant. The quill in my hand won't move, no matter how much my brain tells it too. His book gets farther and farther out of reach. I let him die._

 _I let Natsu die…_

 _And when I wake, the nightmare seems so real my body goes in a state of shock and hysteria. For the longest time, I actually believed I killed him. Loki has been helping me, he's always there to comfort me, to help me realize it was just a dream. But I know that it wasn't. Because I lived it. I was reliving those few moments during that day over and over again. I was weak. I know I saved him. I know I rewrote his book. But my mind keeps relishing the moment I felt pure terror and helplessness._

 _Loki keeps begging me to tell Natsu. I should right? Even the guild thinks I should, especially after I tried to live life normally and went to the guild hall. I tried to fake it, fake being okay. But everywhere I looked I would see Natsu, his lifeless body. I would hear my pleading screams. The cries of Happy. I could feel his blood caked on my hands. And when I looked to my comrades, all I saw was the hatred in their eyes for allowing Natsu to die. I screamed and screamed until Mira knocked me out. I woke in the infirmary hours later. I remember crying in Levy's arms. I didn't tell them how bad it was, because I, myself didn't know. I pleaded with them to not tell Natsu and the others. I don't want them to worry, especially after they had recently left to go on a quest._

 _It was a week after the battle with Zeref that Natsu, Happy, Wendy, Carla, Grey and Ezra all went on the infamous one-hundred-year quest. Can you believe that mom? Team Natsu on a major quest, but guess what. They all vowed to complete it in six months! I believe they could do it, they are Fairy Tails strongest team. Natsu promised he would be back no later than six months, and I honestly believe him. It was hard to let him go, to let them all go on without me. I still wasn't completely healed from the battle. So I stayed behind. I can still feel the warm kiss Natsu left on my forehead. And soon after that's when the nightmares began. They send letters, I send back lies._

 _Loki even got Virgo and the others to cox me in to tell him. Even Plu in his odd way tries. But I just can't bring myself to write that letter, to write the truth to him. I'm afraid to let him see me this way. Until recently I thought only my mind was broken, but my body is too. Gemini transformed into me, forcing me to see my present self. I looked haunted. Like a stray cat left to die. My eyes and cheeks have sunken in, my lips thin and almost purple. My hair looked as if it belongs on a corpse which I guess is fitting the state my body is in. none of my clothes fit, they all hung. Since that day I wore nothing but oversize shirts to hide my hideous frame. I never noticed my lack of appetite, nor have I even tried to regain it. Last night, while I laid forcing myself to stay awake. Loki cried, believing I was asleep. I never seen him break, and it was my fault. He spoke to Virgo, who came through on her own. They all did now. I lost whatever ounce of magic power I had left weeks ago. They spoke in hushed tones trying to keep me asleep. They fear that I won't wake some nights. Loki stated that while he watches me sleep, he would notice I'd stop breathing. Some nights he'd have to shock me awake to keep me alive. And the majority of the time, I wish I did slip into nothingness. Anything to keep me away from the terror of my mind. Is it really that bad mom?_

 _That's a stupid question. I just don't understand why my mind would do this to me. Why have I become so weak? Why am I allowing myself to do this!? But the bigger question is why I can't get out of it? Loki thinks that if I start to write to you, I can slowly heal myself. Maybe it will. And hopefully, before I finally do slip away…_

 _Till next time,_

 _Lucy_


	2. Fairy Tail : Chapter 2

Tears streamed down my hollow cheeks, splattering on the fresh ink of the letter I just finished writing. I watched as the some of the words dispersed. The tears wouldn't stop coming, the feeling of warm streams sent goosebumps across my cold arms. My body began to shake as I let out wales of despair. I could barely look at my hands, my fingers were just skin coated bones. My guild emblem wrinkled on top of my skeletal hand.

"Lucy" a soft sympathetic voice spoke. I looked up through wet eyes. Loki. He gave me a slight smile "Everything is going to be okay. I promise. We all do" he gestured for me to turn around in my desk chair. Behind me was all of my spirits. Glimmering in the warm gold light. Each had a giant smile plastered on their familiar faces. Some had tears to match my own.

"You guys" I cried harder. They all came through on their own. They care about me just as much as I care about them. Our love is one thing I know I could never forget. I have to get better, not just for Natsu, but for myself, my guild...and my spirits "Th- thank you"

"You took a step in the right direction princess," Virgo said as she wiped the tears from my face.

"Virgo is right Lucy. I know I've been pestering for you to write to your mother, but you finally did it on your own" Loki proudly stated.

"I overheard you last night" I peered down. I felt the air become stiffen "I heard you say that you are afraid of my dying. As I laid there, I wished that I would. That I would slip away. And as I heard you and Virgo cry, all of you came to my mind. My bond with you, my friendships with my guild-mates, the love I have for a certain dragon slayer. I was being selfish at that moment. I would never want to hurt any of you. And if I allowed myself to die, that's the one thing I'll be doing. I swore to myself last night that I will fix my broken mind. I won't let myself die!" I cried out

"We won't let you," they all said in unison

* * *

Over the next few days, the nightmares continued, and same with the aftermath. As much as I tried to eat, everything that went down my body would reject. It came to the point where I actually started to throw up blood. How could I have let this gone on for so long? Why wasn't I strong enough to know something was wrong with me. How did I not feel my body weaken and the loss of my magic? I was sick, I was broken. I cried into the toilet. Too weak to even stand.

"Princess, let me help clean up" Virgo twisted the nob of the tub. She patiently helped me up, undress and into the warm water of the bath. I sat there, looking at my thinned legs has she cleaned the contents of my stomach

"You're getting better princess" "Don't lie Virgo" I traced the visible veins on my leg "It doesn't suit you" she came over and began to help wash my hair. Silent tears cascaded. I don't know what would have happened to me if I didn't have my spirits love and help. They've been taking care of me more then I could ever them.

"You received a letter. It's from Natsu and the others" She rinsed my golden hair "Did you want to read it when we are all done, princess?"

"No" I sighed as my heart ached. I could just picture the goofy smile plastered on the pink haired dragon slayer. His letters were always full of happiness, telling me about the adventure and the quest. He always goes into deep detail on each fight. Even the ones where he and Gray get at it. Natsu never wants me to feel left out. Usually, I get one letter a week, but two in one? Seemed a little odd.

"I could read it to you instead if you wished" Virgo drained the tub and held out a hand.

"No, thank you" Virgo looked at me, a flash of melancholy crossed her eyes. She wrapped me in a white fluffy towel and opened the door to the main room.

"I'm getting tired. I am going to head back now princess. I'll be back later tonight" Virgo bowed and shimmered away in the gold light

"Thank you, Virgo" even though my spirits come through on their own to help me, only Loki can stay the longest. No surprise to that. He did spend three years in the human world. Plus he's the leader of the Zodiac. With little energy, I clothed myself in one of Natsu's spare tee shirts. Aries and Gemini went and took some from his and Happy's house a while back. They thought it would help bring me comfort. A sad smile crept across my lips. It differently did bring me comfort. They smelled like him. Like burning wood during winter. I glanced at the table, a glass of water was placed there beside the letter Virgo spoke of. It was strange that I received two in one week. Hopefully, everything was alright. I picked up the letter and the glass. Suddenly the sensation of weightlessness washed over me. The glass slipped through my hand, crashing and breaking on the wooden floor. My body followed suit. My vision became blurred. I tried to call out, but the lack of oxygen failed my lungs.

Natsu…

* * *

Warmth? I slowly opened my eyes. Light pooled in through the open windows. The sun? My eyes burned and watered. I haven't seen actual sunlight in a month. I always kept the curtain closed. I moved my eyes around to see my surroundings. I gasped. Bolting upward

"Ow!" I gripped my throbbing head. What happened? I don't remember blacking out

"Lucy!" a girls voice

"You're finally awake" Another, softer and lighter "We were starting to get worried." I turned to the sound of them speaking. To my surprise, it was Levy and Mira-Jane. I wasn't back in my apartment

"L-Levy? Mira?" I looked around confused.

"Don't worry. We brought you to Porlyusica's" Levy said as she sat down on the bed beside me. Mira walked over and handed me a cup of water.

"Loki asked if we could watch over you earlier today. When we got to your apartment we found you unconscious and bleeding. You fell in the broken glass" Mira filled me in

"We didn't know what caused you to faint. But Porlyusica said it because of lack of food. Lu, why didn't you say anything?" Levy asked. Mira sat in the chair next to the bed

"Loki said it was bad. He didn't tell us how bad it was." Mira said. They both look so upset. And I caused that. I had to turn away from their heartbroken gazes.

"Because I didn't know how bad it was myself. I only thought my mind was broken. Not my body too. I swore Loki and the others to secrecy. I didn't want all of you to worry" I looked out the window, I forgot how beautiful the East Woods looked. The glimmering green leaves shined in the sun as a breeze came through. Butterflies fluttered, bunnies hopped and ate their full of plush grass.

"Lucy, you are our guild-mate. Your pain is ours. You should have come to us for help" Mira jolted out the chair and made me face her. Tears formed in her deep blue eyes. "When we found you, you were hardly breathing"

"Mira is right Lu. We were honestly scared you wouldn't make it the last few days." what? I looked at them in disbelief

"How long was I out for?"

"Three days," Levy said. Sorrow in her voice

"I see you've finally awoken" all three of us looked towards the open door. There stood Porlyusica herself and Master Makarov.

"Master!" Mira fluttered over. "You're back from your trip to the capital"

"Yes. Loki found me and told me about Lucy. I came as quickly as I could" Master walked to my bedside "How you feeling child" I couldn't look him in the eye. I couldn't lie to him. He was there when I had my panic attack at the guild a month ago. He made me promise to seek help for my nightmares or else he would contact team Natsu. I promised that I would just so he didn't speak a word to the others. I had broken that promise.

"Bad" I mustered out "I don't know how to fix myself. I'm so sorry I made you worry!" I cried into my bandaged hands "I didn't want anyone to know"

"No reason to cry. What's done is done. All we can do know is try to help heal our own. That is what a guild is for"

"H-how. I can't eat or sleep. When I do I see him." Levy pulled me in while Mira stroked my hair. "I see his body, I'm covered in his blood. I cant save his life. I let him die" I cried heavily into Levy's shoulder "I killed him"

"But you didn't. Because of you and your strength, you saved Natsu's Life" Makarov proudly reminded me

"I know. But my mind keeps showing me the shortest moment of doubt. It keeps replaying over and over. Each nightmare becomes longer and more real."

"The lack of sleep is causing her brain to slowly shut down. As you can see by her appearance, lack of appetite is also affecting her" Porlyusica said has she gather ingredients. "My healing abilities are not enough to heal her mind. But I can help with her hunger."

"Maybe we should send word to the others. Wendy might be able to help" Master said to no one in particular. My heart raced

"No! Please don't Master. If you contact Wendy, Natsu would surely know and come back. That's the last thing I want. Please, anything else."

"Lu, why is it so important to you that Natsu doesn't find out." Levy nudged

"I don't want him to think I am weak. Plus, look at me, Levy. I'm a walking stick! He has gone through so much, I don't want to ruin his happiness."

"Last time I checked, Natsu would never judge you." Mira said with a smile "Plus I think he likes you too much to care what you look like" She giggled as a rosy blush crept up.

"His happiness is you," Master said. I looked at him with wide eyes "Natsu has always been a happy child, always grinning away no matter the situation. But once you've entered his life, his smile grew"

"I can agree to that" Levy and Mira both laughed. Porlyusica came over with a small sipping bowl in her hands.

"Drink this. It should help with regaining back your appetite" I took the bowl from her and slowly drank the thick green liquid. "You should be well enough to go back home. I have jars filled that you can take. Three times a day, and over the next week start to integrate solid foods back into your system. It will take some time, but you should be back to a healthy eating routine."

"Thank you," I said. "But how am I suppose to help with the nightmares?"

"I'm considered seeking out Shelia," Makarov said aloud

"Good idea master. She uses almost the same healing magic that Wendy does" Mira chimed

"Yeah, but can she heal the mind?" Levy questioned

"Its worth a shot. Besides, she won't be able to heal it back to its original state. That is up to Lucy herself." I listened to them talk about aids to help me. I looked down at my guild mark, droplets splattered on it. Why was I so stupid to shelter myself away from them. Only weaklings shy away from help… I guess I really am weak.

"Don't cry" Master started "Remember what I told you"

"Happy moments, sad moments.." Levy spoke

"We can't share all of them" Mira joined

"But whenever possible we will shoulder it together" I finished

"Now hold your head up high child" I smiled through the tears. Raised my head as high as I could. I refuse to be weak. I can't keep crying forever. Because I'm a proud member of Fairy Tail!


	3. Fairy Tail : Chapter 3

A week had passed, Master requested Shelia to come and help, with pay of course. But she kindly declined the offer, stating helping a friend is far more important then jewel. Everyday Shelia has come to help me. She would have me lay down and for twenty minutes and slowly use her healing magic to help balance my mind. I can feel it working. The nightmares don't come every night like the use too. Some days she projected herself in my nightmare. Walking me through it, kept reminding me that it was just my guilt. That Natsu is alive. I didn't wake with an instant panic attack. Loki has stayed by myself like always, fearing I would go backwards.

Virgo has come every day as well making sure that I've been drinking the potion Porlyusica made me. She even gathered more from her the other day when I ran out. She would cook me small meals and made sure I ate it all. I only threw up a few meals in the beginning, but I have been keeping majority down. I went from soup to now thicker soup with a small roll of bread. Gemini came last night after my bath, they showed me what I looked like before while I looked back at myself in the mirror. I look healthier. Soon I will be back to my curvy self again. I wrote every night to mom, and funny enough Loki was right. Writing down my emotions and my progress made it a lot easier and held me accountable.

Master has been checking on me as well. Levy would come and read to me, or we just talk about her and Gajeel. She is so cute whenever she talks about him, a red blush was always on her face. They haven't started dating yet. Though she really wants him to ask to take that step. We'd even talk about Natsu and I. We never officially claimed we are dating, it just happened. She laughed, saying that sounds like Natsu.

Mira and Lisanna took me out for the first time. It was like I was seeing the world for the first time. I forgot how the city looked. It was a little uncomfortable walking next to Lisanna, especially since I know she still loves Natsu. I don't blame her for being a little hurt. She was Natsu's, first love. He never admitted it, but I know. When she came back to Earth Land he was always by her side. Showed her the second grave he built for her, outside their childhood hut. Explained that, that was the proper place to have her grave placed. I was a coward, followed them, hid behind a tree while he embraced her. I felt so bad, because even though everyone was so happy to have her back. I wanted her to return to Edolas. I think I will always be afraid that Natsu will leave and return to his childhood love.

They took me to the guild hall. I was a little nervous to see everyone again. But each person welcomed me, gave me hugs and words of encouragement. I didn't stay long. Even with a few nights of sleep and some food, I was still too weak to be out very long. Some of the guys walked me home to make sure I returned safely. I really do have the best guild-mates a girl can ask for. I slipped farther into the warm water of my bubble bath. Finally be able to do it on my own without Virgo fearing.

A soft knock brought me out of my daydream "Princess"

"Come in" Virgo walked in, with a towel in hand and one of Natsu's stolen shirts

"Dinner is ready. You've been in here longer than yesterday. Is everything okay?" She helped me up.

"Thank you. And yeah. I was just enjoying the warmth." I quickly dried off and changed. Natsu's scent washed over me. Butterflies swarmed my stomach. Its been close to two months since he and the other left. The more my state of mind began to clear the more I missed them. I snorted. Who am I kidding? Of course, I miss my friends but I miss Natsu so much more. Just a week after we admitted we loved each other, he left for the quest. I didn't get to spend much time with him as a new couple.  
"Time to eat princess" Virgo walked me to my small kitchen table. Placed the bowl of what looked like potato soup in front of me, with the potion from Porlyusica and a slightly bigger bread roll.

"Thank you, Virgo" I began to eat, a little more quickly. Virgo cleaned while I ate, always keeping a firm eye on me.

"You received another letter today" I looked up at her, finishing the last of my bread and potion. "Did you want me to put it with the other unopened on?" I nodded yes. I completely forgot Natsu sent me an extra letter last week. I finished dinner and began to clean up my table wear.

"Princess, please let me." she tried to gather the dirty dished from my hands.

"No Virgo. I have to get back to doing things myself. Please, let me clean up." Virgo back away and smiled slightly.

"If you are okay, I'll be taking my leave now."

"I'll be fine. Promise. Thank you." Virgo bowed and began to shimmer away in the gold light

"Big brother will return tonight," she said as she faded back to the Spirit world. Loki has only bee coming around mostly during the night. He watches me sleep. And he'll pop in a few times a day when Virgo isn't around during meals. I have gotten used to him always being here, it's actually gotten quite lonely. I laughed aloud. Who knew I would miss the flirtatious Leo the Lion. The chilly summer night air crept through the walls. I grabbed a fluffy blanket off the sofa, collected the unread letters and cuddle on top of my bed. Resting my back against my wall I opened the oldest letter. To my surprise, it was only from Natsu. They usually all write together in one. But I notice Natsu handwriting only when I skimmed.

 _Dear Lucy,_

 _I miss you. The days are filled with lots of adventure, and new surroundings. The quest is going just fine. We are always on the move which kinda sucks. I do get to kick a lot of bad guys asses when we come across some punks on our journey. We are a little ways from the next village. So we camped out again in the forest. Everyone is asleep but me. For some reason every time I close my eyes, you will pop up. Not that it's a bad thing. It just makes me realize that you're not here still. It's odd to be away from you this long. You're my teammate! I knew I shouldn't have gone on this quest without you, but you are one hell of a persuader Lucy Heartfilia. The stars remind me of you. They shine as bright as your smile and are just as beautiful too. I can't believe its been two months since last seeing you. Please Lucy, please come join me. AH! A SHOOTING STAR! I wished upon it. Wished to see you soon. It's hard to comprehend that you love me. I still dream about that night. How I saw nothing but blackness. And they only thing drawing me awake was you. You're voice. You made my heart beat again when you begged me to come back to you. Don't be getting used to this mushy stuff Lucy. I guess I'll try getting some sleep._

 _I love you Lucy_  
 _Natsu_

"I love you too Natsu" I dried my eyes. I looked up through the open window. Finally, the curtains have been opened. I looked up at the stars, maybe he's looking at them too. To my surprise

"A shooting star!" the odds of that. I wished that I would get better quicker so I can catch up to them. I laid down so I had a better view of the sky. His letter still in hand and close to my heart. Natsu never showed his romantic side when we were together for the few short days. It is a little out of place when I read his words. But it made my heart flutter. I brought his shirt closer to my nose and shut my eyes.

* * *

"NATSU!" I screamed. Jolting awake, my body was covered in sweat, I could feel the panic overcome me. Flashes of the reoccurring nightmare flooded my eyes. Blood was everywhere! My screams filled my ears. I haven't had a nightmare in days. I began to shake. And almost immediately my shaking frame was embraced. The scent of firewood engulfed me. My eyes widened through the tears. My heart viciously pounded against my chest.

"N-Natsu" I whispered. His grip tightened around me. My body still shaking, but not from the terror of the nightmare, but because Natsu was here. In my apartment, holding me.

"I'm sorry Lucy" he cried


End file.
